You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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