Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
