I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize