its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
