It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
