Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize