you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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