I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize