If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
