what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish I only lived at night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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