Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
