Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i think im in europe. pls send help
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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