maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
