we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
