she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
