i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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