this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
