i permit you to call me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
