I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
