Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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