I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Help. Why am I so naked?
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