he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
