mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
