Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
