Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
