I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
