I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
