flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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