when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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