I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize