I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
