he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Church boner. Awkwardddd
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Randomize
