One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
