apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
