just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
