Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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