OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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