shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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