We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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