i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
