I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
