that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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