All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize