I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
