I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
