I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
