well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
