I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize