im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
someone owes me an orgasm
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she told me i tasted like america
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
