She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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