I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
