You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
