so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
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dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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