I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i think my cat just said my name.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
