Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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