I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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