She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
