I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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