He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
