we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
