take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
