My liver just broke up with me...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
