i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
