kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
