it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
handjob tips. give me some.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
