The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
