I didn't shave. On purpose
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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