How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
