she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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