I'm really into asian looking animals
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
