Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
