I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
