if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
