All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize