So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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